I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Duck Duck Cougar?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
