My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
