You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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