just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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