i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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