I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
