I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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