So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
