Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
