your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
