She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
