last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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