It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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