hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
