Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
