I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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