Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
