Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
