My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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