And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
