All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
