he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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