So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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