How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
