And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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