If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
