Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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