dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
