I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
