Already got asked if we're dating
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
