i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
