Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
