So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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