btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
