I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
