White coat. Heels.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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