I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
