she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
