My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
