I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
