her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
