I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
