I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
