You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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