and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
