i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
