Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
