I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
