Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
