Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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