I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
