I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
