don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
