Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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