we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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