Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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