I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize