my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You made out with two different species that night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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