my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
