Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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