i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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