I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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