The maid of honor just puked.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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