I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
