it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
