I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
