I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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