16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
