I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
