Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
