direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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