no, he came in my armpit
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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