i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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