i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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