i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
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Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.