Your dad touched me again.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.