why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.