God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
