Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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