i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.