I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.