The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.