kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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