i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
